A Trip Around the World

Well, we’re in Thailand. To begin with, we almost didn't make it here. Annie and I left Fergus' with plenty of time to spare before the airport. Little did we know there would be a jackass waiting at the train station to wave us onto the wrong train. You would think that 2 girls carrying huge bags and asking for Narita Airport would be easy to direct, but apparently not. As we were riding along, I, still a little drunk from the night before, decided to serenade Annie with The Gambler , a classic by anyone's standards. Again, little did we know that we actually were on a train bound for nowhere . When we figured this out, we deboarded and actually had to do about 30 minutes worth of backtracking to another station to board a different train. We arrived at Narita with 30 minutes to spare before our flight only to learn that we were in the wrong terminal. Long story slightly shorter, we boarded our 2:55 plane at 2:53. For those of you who might have ever doubted it, Annie can book it. Thank God for that because I was counting on her to let the man at the gate know her slow, physical exertion resistant friend would be coming along shortly. On the plane, I began to drift into a pleasant slumber after the rather stressful morning. This might have been for 1 of 3 reasons. Either a. my hangover was finally setting in from the night before, b. the valium I took for my fear of flying was taking effect, or c. it was the pleasant lullaby being sung by the woman who was breast-feeding her child next to me. Yes, breastfeeding. Why of all things I had to sit next to the woman who was lactating I will never know. Plus, this was not a baby baby. This was a walking, talking, I have teeth baby. Not only that, but once I was asleep old Milky woke me up when the flight attendant came through with lunch. Did I want to be woken up for this? No. I kept looking over at the 2 businessman peacefully slumbering across the aisle, and I was filled with a jealousy unlike any I have ever known. I think she really woke me up so I could witness her breastfeed this child 4 times on a 2 hour flight. Let me assure you that I have taken care of lots of babies in my day and that amount of feeding is grossly unnecessary. It did however provide me with a better understanding of why this baby was staring at me when I first sat down. Due to the lack of curves amongst most Japanese women, I must have looked like a buffet. Thank goodness Annie didn't have my seat, she probably would have been attacked. As for Bangkok, if it weren't for the shopping, Annie and I probably would have spent very little time there. We had one very harrowing cab experience. We were trying to find a restaurant with some local flavor, but rather ended up with a cab driver who was more interested in staring at our legs than driving. He then dropped us off in a very dark middle of nowhere. We did our best to flag down the next cab we could find as it really didn't seem like a part of town we should be in. Luckily a couple of days later we took a cab whose driver preferred a radio station frighteningly similar to Magic 94.5. As most of you know, my dirty little secret is that when I'm alone in the car I only listen to soft rock. Sad but true. I was treated to Phil Collins' I Can't Stop Loving You, Hall and Oates, and even a little Enrique Iglesias' Hero to restore my peace of mind. Now we're in Pattaya, a resort town about 2 and a half hours outside Bangkok. I'm sure that if it weren't for the monsoon pounding China and the Phillipines, the weather would be lovely. Our hotel is a testament to the power of lighting in marketing brochures. If you've seen I Still Know What You Did Last Summer when Jennifer Love Hewitt arrives at a tropical resort on the first day of hurricane season, you have an excellent mental picture of our stay.