Victoria's Secret Angel No More

Well, as it is 3:30 in the morning and I am taking lots of (ineffective) antibiotics, so I can't sleep. I have already suffered through 2 episodes of "Malcolm in the Middle," a "King of Queens," 1 "Yes, Dear," a Pamela Anderson interview on Leno, and even, though I'm not proud to admit this, "The BeverlyHillbillies." I've also run a couple of Friendster searches and done every online crossword puzzle available. And now, I am left with "Tyra." It was this or "Cheaters," and, sadly, it was a close call. Anyway, Tyra is trying to help a young couple overcome the infidelities in their past. On a set that I can only imagine came straight from the aroma therapysection of Target, Tyra is wearing a shirt that seems to have a collar completely independent of the rest ofthe shirt and sporting some rather unfortunate magenta highlights. Renae (please note the spelling) is 21 and has been with her boyfriend, Chris, since they were 15 despite his cheating while she was pregnant with their baby. Obviously, there are multiple things wrong with this scenario. My first red flag was that Tyra kept talking about Chris and Renae's baby, but Chris andRenae kept referring to their "kids." Yes, plural. How many babies are we talking about here? Secondly, Tyra keeps trying to get Chris to dig deep and really confront his issues and reasons for cheating. So far, all she's gotten out of him is that "he was scared and not ready to be a dad at 15." Wow, no shit Sherlock. And thirdly, in a moment that I can only imagine is reminiscent of the anger coke-fueled, hotel-bashing Tyra once felt, she admonished Chris for "not wearing a condom" because "it took two people to make that baby." But, what about this display is the most disturbing?Is it the set that looks like the front window display at Claire's, Tyra's misguided aspirations to be Oprah, or, maybe, Chris' unemployment and willingnessto accept an $80/week allowance from his baby mama? No- it's the photo montage at the beginning of the episode. Before Tyra starts digging, Chris and Renae explain the background to their story over a video of the two of them. Since these pictures and video were obviously made when Chris and Renae got to L.A. for the taping (because they're wearing the same clothes they're going to be interviewed in), I can only imagine that this is the strangest photo shoot in theworld. As they talk about how they met, they're shown kissing and hugging on one another. Then, when they recount the cheating, Chris and Renae alternately move in and out of the background and forefront to represent the "distance" between them. What the hell does the photographer say to them? "You love each other. Remember when love was new." And then, must he switch to a "He cheats on you. You hate him. Show me the claws." (I also imagine a "rrrr" sound here.) How long does this photo shoot last? Are there make-up preparations? Hours and hours of lighting adjustments?Is there a break for lunch so that they can love each other, eat a snack, and then feel myriads of unspoken resentment and rage? Are there fistfights or make outs (depending on the timing) when they have to reload film? What happens if Tyra isn't happy with the results? Does she send them back to the studio for more hate? Are tears required or discouraged? And, most importantly, who the hell thinks Tyra Banks can save their relationship? (Although, she did bring out cheating experts and offered Chris and Renae parenting classes at their local community center.) Well, that's all I have to say about that. I've now learned the top cities for cheating in America. (LasVegas was number 1. Again, who knew?) And, I must get back to either "MASH" or "Just Shoot Me." Oh, the dilemmas in life.