Lost in Translation

Now, it may seem strange to you that anyone willing to admit her love of soap operas, made-for-television movies, "Unsolved Mysteries," and "Two and a Half Men," would still have shows that she doesn't want anyone to know she watches, but it's true. Even I have programming skeletons in my closet. So, I'm just going to put it out there - I really like "Ghost Whisperer." I'm not sure what it is about the show. On many levels, I still cringe when I remember paging through Seventeen magazine and reading interviews with Jennifer Love Hewitt wherein she insisted everyone close to her called her "Love." I mean, that's simply not acceptable. You don't change your name to a new age name if you weren't born with one. Because, after all, you can't try to be a "Rainbow" or a "Peace." If you're given that name at birth, you live with it, and you own it. If not, you call yourself Jennifer or Emily or whatever else the birth certificate says, just like the rest of the sane world, and you're grateful that your parents are conformists. And, if for some reason, that "concept name" sneaks its way in via the middle name as in the case of JLH, you push it out with equal force, and deny, deny, deny. You certainly don't ask people to actually call you by said name/unfortunate delusion your parents were suffering from in the wake of a 20 hour labor that made "Love" seem like a good naming choice. (Don't be too hard on them. At least it's not Kal-El Cage.) (In case anyone is wondering about the Seventeen reference, let's remember that it was 1995, and I loved "Party of Five." And, while I didn't want to be Jennifer Love Hewitt, I kind of wanted to be Sarah Reeves because she was the only one that Bailey really loved, and she got to make out with him every week.) Anyway, I never watched "Time of Your Life" because I only liked Sarah as an extension of Bailey. And, while I did see both of the "I Know What You Did Last Summer" films, I was never what you would call a "Love Fan." So, the fact that I like "Ghost Whisperer" certainly came as a shock to me. I even avoided watching the show until one post-bad-break-up Friday night when I had no cable and no desire to leave my afghan/ice cream cocoon, and it was a choice between obscure sporting events, the "Ghost Whisperer," or going to bed before 8 p.m. Nearly instantly, I was hooked. I think a large part of it is that I'm a crier, and I kind of appreciate the weekly opportunities to let out some emotion while JLH brings closure to a grieving family and helps a soul pass on. Or, it could have to do with the fact that the actor who plays her husband is hot, and it gives a single gal hope to believe that he would marry JLH's character even though she spends countless hours talking to ghosts and playing fetch with a dead dog. (I know it's fiction, but let me dream.) But, I have to say that as much as I enjoy "Ghost Whisperer," the last 5 minutes tend to make me a little angry. For those of you who haven't seen the show (which I assume to be most people), during the last 5 minutes of the hour, JLH usually brings the soul of the dead person into a face-to-face situation with the formerly skeptical loved one or friend so that the two can "talk" and get some closure before the spirit feels free to move past this world. At first glance, you might wonder, "What could be so bothersome about a heart to heart between the dead and the living?" Here it is - what gets me is that JLH tends to summarize for the dead rather than giving a word-for-word recap. Now, I realize that this is done for the sake of the viewing audience. After all, watching the same speech repeated by two different characters would be pretty boring, and as the audience, we've already gotten the emotional weight of what's being said. But, still... If I were getting a message from beyond the grave, I really wouldn't want a medium who editorializes or "puts things in her own words." That seems like the one time you'd want to make sure that nothing is being left our or omitted for the sake of time. After all, it's not like there are going to be a lot of opportunities for clarification or chances to ask questions later. And, if I had traveled across a few metaphysical and spiritual planes to deliver my last words to those close to me, I would hope that someone would be damn sure to get all of it - WORD FOR WORD. After a lifetime of dealing with the DMV, utility companies, and traffic, isn't it only fair that your clairvoyant of choice repeats your unearthly wisdom rather than condensing it? Is that so much to ask Jennifer Love Hewitt? Is it?