Casa de Laurel

This past weekend, I had some out of town visitors from the great state of Alabama. And, since one friend stayed with me and another stayed elsewhere, it made me think about the vast differences in accommodations between a stay with unemployed Laurel and an overnight visit with our other artist friend - who we'll refer to as "the good one" from now on. 1. The good one's condo is beautiful. It has state of the art appliances, a very large flat screen TV, and furniture most people would kill for. It is also a two bedroom, so visitors get their own room complete with a memory foam mattress. In contrast, my apartment is largely empty and inflatable. I only have 4 pieces of furniture in Chicago and half of them require air pumps. Thus, your options pretty much include having a seat on the inflatable blue chair from Target or sleeping on the air mattress from K-Mart. Oh wait - I forgot something. If neither of those options is appealing, there's always the deflated air mattress that has a hole in it, but still resides on the living room floor so that my dog can lay on it during the day. I suppose that could get thrown into the mix as well. 2. Little did I know before this weekend, but apparently the good one brews fresh green tea in the morning and serves it to you with breakfast. Based on the previous description of my apartment, I hope you feel free to assume that I don't have a tea set. In fact, I'm lucky if I can find a clean glass. And, while I don't have gourmet beverages, I am willing to run down to the market across the street where not much English is spoken and pick up a diet coke or apple juice for my guests. What can I say? I'm just that giving. 3. A stay with the good one means that you will be chauffeured around the city in a pristine BMW. From my apartment, we get around by glorious public transportation. If you're really lucky (as my friend was this past weekend), I'll even pick the car with a large panhandling woman in a "Hustle 24/7/365" t-shirt who has her screaming baby with her that won't stop sticking his hands down his own dirty diaper. Please, please - don't everyone start looking into flights to visit me in Chicago now. I know I've given a pretty good sales pitch... Actually, I think I'll stop writing now. I need to give the good one a call and see if he's interested in a live-in maid or personal assistant.