Bargain Days

This past weekend, I made a little stop at the old Dollar General store. (For those of you who don't know about "Dollar General," I should clarify that it is not the same as the plain old"Dollar Store," or, if you live in my neighborhood, it's more pathetic incarnation, "4 Quarters." The Dollar General does contain items that cost more than a dollar. It's name choice seems deceptive at first, but then you learn that it's a lot like Big Lots, and we know how I feel about Big Lots.) Anyway, I was running in for my usual knock-off Gillette brand Daisy twin-blade razors, which cost $1 as opposed to $5 for the real thing, and some rawhide treats for Cassidy. And, that's when I spotted the knee-length white bathrobe. Now, I've wanted a knee-length bathrobe as opposed to the full floor-length terry for quite some time now, but I can't bring myself to spend much money on it when I already own quite a few robes. I also own a few towels that have been sewn together and had elastic put at the top so that they give the illusion of just being casually tied about your chest but are actually held there by the elastic and therefore won't fall down at inappropriate moments. (My mother thinks these are genius inventions. She likes to have them monogrammed and then give them to my sisters and me.) As you can see, I am more than well taken care of in the post-shower moments. But, the one at Dollar General was only $8. Eight dollars! It was like God was smiling on me at that moment. I could finally have the shorter, more summer appropriate robe that I had been longing for without the guilt of over-spending! I was so excited, I just threw it in my basket and almost skipped to the check-out counter. When I got home, though, I realized that the robe was short-sleeved. Now, another reason I have been avoiding the shorter robe is that all the ones on sale have short sleeves. I don't like the short sleeves. They make me feel like I'm dressed like a fat man about to climb into the sauna or some sort of icky pervert. (I'm not entirely sure where the pervert image comes from, but I think it has something to do with my new obsession with Dateline's sexual predator stings. Whenever the men show up, I imagine that the ones who don't immediately get completely naked take a few moments to find a short-sleeved white terry cloth robe that they will wear until their plan of gas station plastic roses, Thunderbird, and a dip in the hot tub successfully seduces the pre-teens they met in an internet chat room. The fact that the robe is white started to bother me too...) Anyway, I spent a few hours hating the robe. I was mad at myself for even spending $8 on such a heinous creation. I swore off the Dollar General and my impulse buys there. But, gradually, I decided that maybe I should wear the robe a couple of times before I completely gave up on it. I started out in the bathroom, and when that seemed to be going well, I slowly began to make my way through other rooms in my apartment. Before I knew it, I was in love with the robe. Now I can't take it off. I rush home from work just for the joy of being in my robe. And, while there are still occasional flashes when I think of Chris Hansen and feel an impending sense of dread, for the large part I've found myself relaxed and quite cool. Thank you Dollar General. I never should have doubted you.