And the Beat Goes on...

Have you ever thought to yourself, "What is the most appropriate time for trance music?" Is it: a) as I'm getting out of bed in the morning as a wake-me-up? b) in the middle of the afternoon as I prepare for a European style siesta? c) while I'm making dinner and getting ready to unwind at the end of the day? d) Or, what about just before midnight, because nothing says "let's relax before getting into bed" like a good, bass-exploiting, wall-reverberating trance beat? If you're my downstairs neighbors, the answer is the very tricky, and unlisted, e) all of the above. I have officially renamed my downstairs neighbors as the Dynamic Duo. Some of you might wonder why it didn't choose the popularly accepted "Ambiguously Gay Duo." That name was off the table because there is nothing at all ambiguous about these two. After all, they live together in a one bedroom apartment and love trance music and superfluous candles. No rational human being requires further evidence. Well, anyway, since they are a duo, and their habits get on my nerves, I have decided that one of them is good and the other one is evil. Isn't that the way it always goes? I used to have the theory that whenever you met two girls named Lauren, one would be good and one would be evil. It seems that similar dynamics should apply here. (I first formulated the "Lauren/Battle for the Soul" theory when I was at camp the summer after 8th grade. I had Lauren A. in my cabin, and she only talked about her 18 year old boyfriend, lied about being shot in the butt during a pizza place robbery in Colorado, was rude to me because she didn't like my hair, and ended up snorting ritalin through a hollowed out Bic pen. Lauren B., who lived in the bunk room upstairs, liked to read People magazine, braid my hair, and shared her Blow Pops. I later confirmed this theory at school when Lauren C. got kicked out for drinking and later ended up in a teen boot camp along the lines of Mad Dog's Route for rehabilitation from Maury Povich while Lauren D. is pursuing a master's in social work. Just things to consider...) And, truthfully, the real reason I've decided that one is good and the other evil is because one of them was nice to me. (Dammit! How am I supposed to be righteously angry for all of the trance music when one of them is nice to me?!?!) #1 offered to hold the door open for me when I was carrying heavy stuff the other day. And, he was pretty far away from the door when he made the offer, so it really was pretty nice. Therefore, rather than giving up my battle entirely, I've just decided that he is the good one, and his partner, otherwise known as the nefarious #2, is responsible for everything I despise about my bottom-dwelling neighbors. (After all, just letting go and seeing them as people really isn't an option...) So, to clue you in, one of them chain smokes and has an "I Love Hillary" bumper sticker, and the other wears a sweater around his neck, has tiny, pseudo-intellectual glasses, and I swear I saw him walking Princeton in a "Pink by Victoria's Secret" baby tee the other day. Baby tee boy is #2.