Best Birthday Ever

Some people complain about having their birthday near Christmas. Others complain about having summer birthdays when no one is around to help them celebrate. I say they have not known the meaning of the word “overshadow” until they’ve had to share their birthday with one of the South’s biggest football rivalries. That’s right - having to contend with the Iron Bowl weekend is a nightmare. People are much too busy setting up their RVs and figuring out where to hide the bourbon to worry about a mid-November birthday. And then, depending on the game’s outcome, some people may not want to go out for days, even weeks as happened after the Auburn loss of 2001. (Thanks again Andrew Zow, it’s all about you, isn’t it?) Well, this year, Chris' girlfriend Julie and I (who share a birthday) decided to go on the offensive and throw ourselves a party. And, being the mature twenty somethings we are, we made it an 80s prom. As you can see, I went with the Dynasty/Vanna White look in my lovely gold frock, and Julie (in pink) chose something a bit more taffeta party dress. Highlights of the party included the cutting of our Rainbow Brite cake, talking about Tab Cola, and my, as have become almost customary, birthday keg stands. Yes, I get older, but I don’t grow up. And, for those of you concerned about modesty, rest assured that I put on some sweat pants under my dress before attempting the beer guzzling feat. Another big highlight of the day was my phone call from Dennis Haskins. Now, I initially wanted Anthony Michael Hall to make an appearance at my party. Years ago when I was watching “Newlyweds” (moment of silence please), I saw that Anthony Michael Hall was at Nick Lachey’s birthday party. I, of course, whined, “Why can’t I have Anthony Michael Hall at my party? Why are celebrities so much better than me?” My friend Chris asked what would happen if he actually got AMH (I can’t type out his full name anymore) to a birthday party of mine. I naturally replied that he could do anything, including refusing to learn the names of my future children, if he pulled that off. (“Uncle Chris can call you whatever he wants, he’s like a god in my book.”) Well, the 80s prom seemed like the perfect opportunity for that. But, it seems that Chris, despite his calls to various agents and talent firms, couldn’t get close to AMH. But, what he did find is a little something called HollywoodisCalling.com. Now, “Hollywood” might be a bit of a stretch considering that most of the “stars” on the site list guest appearances on “Touched by an Angel” as their major career highlights, but you can still order anything from a birthday call to a motivational call from the likes of Kato Kaelin. (Unfortunately, neither Kato Kaelin or Todd Bridges are still available, but the hope lingers. I also have a feeling that any motivational call from Kato Kaelin quickly turns into a plea for coke.) You can request customized e-mail greeting, phone calls, and actual appearances from some celebrities. Well, Chris got me the phone call from Dennis Haskins, a.k.a. Mr. Belding for those out of the “Saved by the Bell” loop. The call can last no longer than 30 seconds, so I decided that I would let my call go to voicemail so that I could enjoy my brief moment in the sun with Denny again and again. I also got an e-mail forewarning me about the call to the tune of “sometime in the next 4 days, you will receive a phone call. It could be anytime of day or night depending on the schedule and convenience of the celebrity.” Because I’m sure that Dennis Haskins is so busy trying to oust Richard Karn as the host of “Family Feud” and steal those coveted commercial voice overs, he’ll barely have time to make my 30 second phone call. Yeah, I’m sure. It’s not like he’s holding a scotch on the rocks (wait, considering his post sitcom star budget, make that a Bacardi Silver) staring longingly at a picture of Mark Paul Gosselaar in his rumpus room and thinking about the good old days. Well, he called, and what might be the greatest and perhaps saddest of all, is that he actually says in my phone call, “Chris is sorry he couldn’t track down Anthony Michael Hall, but he wanted your second favorite 80s icon to wish you a happy birthday.” Yep, not only has Dennis Haskins been reduced to selling birthday calls for spending cash, but he actually acknowledges the fact that he’s not my first choice. Oh, Denny, if only you could have found a nice soap gig like the rest of your Bell castmates...