Unsettling, but True

Last night, during my bout of insomnia/late night television viewing, I discovered what has become of Ethan Embry. It seems that in Ethan's post "Can't Hardly Wait" oblivion, he has resigned himself to guest-starring roles on shows like "The [New] Twilight Zone." Now, I can't fault him just for being on "The Twilight Zone." After all, you can also find Jessica Simpson and Jeremy Piven on the Forest Whitaker vehicle, and both of their careers seem to be just fine. (Yes, Elizabeth Berkeley and Lou Diamond Phillips also show up, but I'm trying to look at this with a "glass is half full" perspective.) What bothers me is that Ethan seems to have spent a considerable portion of the last few years growing and keeping a soul patch. Yes, a soul patch. Ethan seems frighteningly unaware that he looks like he's barely out of puberty so the soul patch is decidedly sparse. And, he seems completely oblivious to the fact that his blondness makes the sparse soul patch seem even more spotty in that "is he actually growing something there or did he miss a spot shaving?" kind of way. Also, I think I am not out of line when I say that the soul patch is the most ridiculous and unnecessary facial hair growth there is. At least a handlebar mustache can be a tribute of sorts to days gone by. The sould patch obviously doesn't keep anyone's face warm in the winter. And, there is no way anyone who gets up and begins shaving in the morning does both sides of their face and then thinks, "I just can't get to my chin today. It's too much." If for some reason, your arms do give out 90% of the way through the shave - take a breather, grab a muffin, and get back to it! You'll thank me later. Having hair just on your chin only works if you're in a trio of pigs yelling insults at the Big Bad Wolf. I suppose the only question that remains is which came first - the death of Ethan Embry's career or the soul patch? Did he start losing roles because of the soul patch, or did he grow the soul patch to keep busy as his career began tanking? The world may never know.