Laurel as Stage Mom

Because I am somewhat unhealthily obsessed with my dog (hey- you try being single and living alone without having some attachment issues), I decided to enter Cassidy in Birmingham Magazine's cutest pet contest. Now, there were 2 options for entry. One was to send in a picture with a $25 check that would be donated to Hand-in-Paw, a nonprofit that conducts therapy using animals. The other was to actually go to Vulcan Park, have your dog's picture taken, and, for a slightly larger fee of $35, have a copy of your dog's picture superimposed on the cover of Birmingham Magazine in addition to the Hand-in-Paw donation, win or lose. Obviously, I chose the latter. So, I took Cassidy to the park on the designated Saturday morning and waited in line to have her picture taken. When it was our turn, Cassidy had to sit on an elevated platform with a sheet thrown over it. And, since, the sheet tended to slide around, Cassidy wasn't too pleased. (Think when your dog tries to get its bearings in a moving car - maybe "not pleased" isn't the right phrase, but uncomfortable/nervous is.) It wasn't the easiest to get a picture, but when the woman asked if the photographer was done, he replied, "Oh yeah. I've got a couple of cute ones." Notice he said "a couple," which implies not one but two decent shots. He also specifically said that they were "cute." Since the printer broke during the course of the morning, I also had to wait 2 weeks to receive my picture in the mail. And, as sick as it may be, I could not wait to get my faux Birmingham Magazine cover. A couple of days after the 2 weeks had passed, I got a call from Birmingham Magazine asking me to confirm my address for shipping, which I did. And, while I was on the line with the woman from Birmingham magazine, she specifically said, "I have your photo right here and it's cute." Again, I am promised that my picture is "cute." However, when it arrives, it is the farthest thing from "cute" that I can imagine. My dogs eyes are half open, her neck is all scrunched up so that she actually looks overweight (for those of you who don't know, next to a greyhound, my dog is about the most lithe creature you'll ever see), and her leash can be seen and cuts across her body in a way that makes her look pained. In addition to all this, it's a 4x6 photo. Now, I don't know about you, but when I pay for a mock-up magazine cover, I expect the picture to be closer to the size of an actual magazine. I expect an 8x10 for the extra dough I shelled out. Also, I wouldn't be nearly as bothered by the quality of the photo if I hadn't been told repeatedly that it was a "cute" picture. All I'm saying is don't make promises you can't deliver on. Or, as a friend of mine used to say, don't piss into the wind and tell me it's raining. If you say "cute," you better mean "cute." And, there is no way, despite whatever varying degrees of subjectivity exist in human nature that my dog picture can be considered cute. I will post the picture shortly for confirmation. After all, there's nothing else I can do with it. And, I'm sure if Cassidy could talk, she would ask me to cut her out of the photo as any self-respecting woman knows to destroy less than flattering images of themselves. (P.S. My comments are in no way meant to reflect any negative feelings towards Hand-in-Paw; I think they're great. I simply prefer more honesty from those photographing my dog.)