Reason #457 I Must Have Children with Someone Far Less Emotional than Me

This morning, I woke up way too early and couldn't fall back asleep. (6:30 a.m., which is long before my normal getting out of bed time of 10.) And, being restless and angry that I couldn't sleep, I naturally grabbed some water and put "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" into the VCR. I was enjoying Rob Schneider's antics and giving my dog a belly rub, when I discovered something very upsetting - Cassidy had a tick. And, this was a rather large, gross, hanging off her skin like a bizarre appendage tick. I was not pleased. First, I found some matches. Then I lit one, blew it out, and touched the tip of the match to the tick because I thought that was supposed to make ticks withdraw their legs. (My mom always used cigarette butts for the same effect when I was a child. I think this is common, but I have a feeling some people reading this are horrified.) Well, that didn't work. And, that's when I started to freak out thinking the tick was way too large and had already begun spreading deadly blood diseases to my baby. So, first I called my vet's office. The actual vet wasn't in, which is probably good since I most likely would have driven over to the office in my pajamas and demanded he remove the tick from my dog's leg thus forever cementing his image of me as the truly crazy girl who doesn't get that dogs get ticks all the time because they are in fact a) usually outside and b) animals. Then, I called my mother. But, she wasn't answering the phone, so I had to call my dad. Now, my father is actually in Decatur this week trying a case. Therefore, I not only called him at the quite unusual hour of 7:15 a.m. (when I am not usually even conscious yet), but I also called him while he was out of town. Needless to say, this rattled him. However, when I explained that this was just a tick incident, he calmly informed my that I just needed some tweezers and a steady grip, and all would be fine. (Of course, I quizzed him about possible blood disorders/infections, but he again assured me that all was fine since most dogs get ticks every once in awhile.) Getting Cassidy's tick was not the easiest thing in the world - especially since I have a mild back injury and had to wrangle Cassidy to the floor and then hold up one of her legs, since the tick was actually where the armpit would be on a person, grab the little sucker and pull hard. ( I mean hard. That tick was in it.) But, I did it. It's just that I realized for the umpteenth time, I will have to have children with an incredibly rational person. My vet already thinks I'm a little weird because I can't look at the needle when he gives Cassidy a shot. ( I really, really don't like needles.) And, I have to have nurses hold my hand when they prick my finger at the lady doctor's office. I'm not sure it sets a good example for children when you're more afraid to go to the doctor's office than they are. And, none of this is even accounting for my other foibles - like being unable to sleep unless there is a clear path from my bed to the doorway (in case of a house fire) or preferring to never, ever answer the door when I'm at home unless I'm expecting someone (in case of homicidal maniacs disguised as the UPS man - again, thank you Lifetime and Dateline NBC). Basically, it's going to take some strong genes to offset these neuroses and their potential inheritence. Although, then again, it's probably my own special kind of neurosis to worry about my future children when it's been awhile since anyone even asked me to dinner... Oh well, it's been much too exhausting a day to go there now.