Kentucky - What Gives?

Now, I knew that Kentucky was famous for bourbon. But, I guess I didn't really consider that alcohol has one very obvious corollary until I drove through the state on Saturday. And, of course, that natural partner of booze is pornography. Or, at least, that is what I was led to believe as my father and I drove past the 3rd Adult Superstore in an hour. Here are some of the questions I have: 1. Wal-Mart as a superstore makes sense to me. After all, they have to run the gamut from automotive supplies to personal hygiene products to home decor. Does pornography really require a superstore? I mean, come on - that's just a whole lot of porn. If anyone makes it through that superstore or is actually on the "new releases" postcard update, I think it's time to call in the addiction experts. Also, even if one adult superstore is necessary to satisfy every perversion/fetish in the book, why are there three is such a small geographic area? This leads me to my next question... 2. Is it the competitive pricing that keeps three stores open? (And, if so, does anyone price check their porn? Isn't pulling "Buffy the Vampire Layer" off the shelf enough of an embarrassment the first time? Would anyone really have it scanned, decide that was too much, and hop in the car to drive to another adult shop for the same drill? Would this even be feasible as a scenario? And, secondly, who has that much time?) Was there a fallout between the owner and a former employee who decided to strike out on his own? Are there porn wars over content and quality? 3. These porn stores were open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. How many bodies does the guy who works the graveyard shift at the 24 hour adult superstore have buried in the backyard of the home I'm sure he still shares with his mom at 40? Does he love or hate his job? (For the sake of all that is good and decent in the world, I sure hope he doesn't love the gig.) Is there such a thing as a "porn emergency" that would require this kind of vigilance and constant access? Who has to have porn at 4 a.m.? (Again, if the answer to the first question is "yes" and the answer to the second is, "Well, there was this one time in college...", I don't want to know about it. Those are the kinds of secrets that sometimes even death beds aren't the right time for.) 4. The porn store is the only attraction at the exit. If you're pulling off, everybody knows what it's for. Returning to the issue of shame, don't most people want to buy their porn in private? Do people really not care that everyone knows where they're going, even if those people are strangers? (Personally, sometimes I care more about the strangers than the opinions of friends and family.) Do I need to take a lesson (and hopefully this is the only lesson that can be garnered from the adult superstore patrons) in self-esteem and living my own life from this? 5. And finally, how many divorces have been caused by wives out for a weekend away with the girls and driving by the adult superstore on their way back into town? After all, the parking lot is RIGHT ON THE HIGHWAY!?!? There's no missing that one. You would think that they would have at least built the lot on the back of the store, or tried for a garage effect. How many marital fist fights have our porn workers had to break up over the years? Oh well, other than Dinosaur World, I have to say that porn superstores were the most interesting thing to come out of the drive. (I typed "exciting" at first, but all of this talk of porn made me second think my word choice. I don't want those of you with dirty minds getting ahead of themselves.) Anyway, thanks for reading. Tomorrow: Alison of the dolphin show at Shedd Aquarium and why we will never be friends.