Yet Another Excellent Reason I Never Should Have Pursued a Career in Professional Sports

(Obviously, the first and best reason is my complete lack of talent. The second would be my fear of balls, bats, golf clubs, etc. and the tendency to duck and scream like a little girl when any such apparatus comes near me. But, we'll have to put all that aside for the sake of the following discussion. Join me in what I do best - let's fantasize about a completely different reality than the one at hand despite all logic and accepted norms.) Lately, I've been training Cassidy to go off her leash when we're out but still obey basic commands. The main reason for this is that I want to be able to play fetch with her. (Living in an apartment, we require dog parks and other such open areas to play fetch. Otherwise, my lamps are in danger.) And, fetch is by far my favorite game. I like the exertion disparity. I stand; Cassidy runs furiously back and forth. She's tired and needs a nap, and I manage to avoid exercise for one more glorious day. Anyway, we're playing fetch when I realize that every time I throw the ball, I'm actually saying "whoosh" out loud with each toss. I know we're talking about me here, and I should have the answer, but what is that about? The only person I could be talking to is myself. It's not like "whoosh" is in my dog's vocabulary. Am I so worried that my throws are pitiful, I add sound effects to try and give them some oomph? Do I just like the way the word sounds? Have I become one of those people who can't help themselves from talking out loud despite how nutty it sounds to anyone passing by? And, the worst part is that I didn't even notice I was saying "whoosh" until five or so minutes into the game. Can you even imagine what I would be like if I was involved in regular sports competition? I could probably put Monica Seles to shame. Plus, since "whoosh" isn't exactly what most Americans would add to a game of fetch with their dog, I think we can pretty much assure that my guttural noises would be weird. I'd probably even end up like Steve Carell from "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and espouse the names of current pop stars when in distress. I think it's safe to say that the broadcasters would not be kind. And, as for my nickname? I don't even want to think about it. I'm just so relieved I chose a different path...