Reasons Not to Rent

Well, it’s official: I live in a trance club. Sunday afternoon, I was minding my own business. I had a crossword puzzle in front of me, Cassidy (my dog) was at my feet, Shannen Doherty was on the television...in short, all was well in the world - when my apartment began to shake. Cassidy woke up and started looking around. I, too, was confused by the unmistakable beat that had filled my living space. It was enough noise/bass to cause the lovely home accessories on my coffee table to shift around. At first, I thought that someone was working in the apartment below me. For the last week, maintenance crews have been in and out of my building, painting, refinishing floors, etc. Sometimes, because they are working, their music is turned up really high. I understand this. But, it was so loud in my apartment, I had to go downstairs to ask whoever it was to turn the music down. Unfortunately, that’s when I met my new neighbor. (Inconsiderate workers, I can handle. Inconsiderate new guy who might have signed a year-long lease, trouble.) I asked him to turn his music down, and he agreed, but nothing really changed about the volume level. Now, personally, there is nothing about Sunday afternoon that puts me in the mood to "feel the beat" or "go with the rhythm" or "dance, dance, dance."I also don’t know why 5:00 p.m. on a Monday seems like a good time to throw a rave, nor do I know why 9:30 on a Tuesday night is perfect for grinding. Plus, it’s not even like this is just music. At least music changes up every once in awhile. This is trance, meaning that I am treated to the exact same beat over, and over, and over again. The only benefit I can see to this is that I at least have something to sync the pounding of my head against the wall with. Then, the other day when I was walking into my apartment, I noticed that new tenant is also a candle lover. And, I mean almost like serial killers in the finale of bad movies candle lover. With his blinds open, I could see that they were everywhere - placed in Pier 1 rockscapes, on various pillars, mounted to the wall on gothic-esque wire deals. Why do I mention this? Because a trance music addict who also loves to set things on fire can’t be the dream neighbor. All I can see in my future is lots of migraines leading to a love for painkillers that will have me in a much too peaceful slumber for that inevitable day when a candle gets knocked over because of the grinding and I burn up in what was supposed to be my quiet, suburban abode. Hall decorator is looking better and better by the minute.