Big News

It's wonderful and glorious and marvelous and overwhelming all at the same time...and it's not the city of Chicago. You see, ladies and gentleman, for the first time in over a year and a half, (and I feel like I must knock on wood, spin around three times while naming the 12 apostles, and possibly collect a virgin pigeon's blood as I say this so as not to spoil my good fortune), I have cable. That's right - CABLE TELEVISION! Now, I understand that a lot of people have moved to digital cable, TiVo, and video ipods in the last few years, so I might seem a bit behind. But, truly, for me, this is incredible. "Golden Girls" I missed you so. When Rose wrote her letter about nuclear war to Gorbachev this morning and the Russian leader wants to visit her because he assumes she is a child and not a senior citizen, I was ecstatic. When I had a bout of insomnia yesterday and woke up at 6 a.m., I had my choice of "Angel," VH1, and "Designing Women" to choose from. That's right - I was not forced to watch a local news morning show or interviews with "the amateur chef of the week" (which usually makes the frustration of my insomnia MUCH worse, rather than better). And, last night I watched "Dicky Roberts...Child Star" after 10 p.m. when I usually sit through late night talk shows. (As for the movie choice, we all know that when you find a movie on cable with recognizable stars, it's fair game. Paying to rent or see in the theater is when taste is really called into question. And, speaking of taste, we already know I have none.) But, I also learned that so much has changed since I had cable. To go from watching 4 channels to having over 70 is a bit much. People have reality shows, and I have no idea who they are?!?! For instance, I tuned into something on BET. (Already out of my element as the whitest person in America. Monday night some red-headed college kid leaned out of his cab to yell "Hey Lady, holler at your man!" to me. I, understandably, was confused and not entirely sure of what he was saying. Would "get out of my grill" have been an appropriate response? What about "fo' shizznot"? I just don't know. It was odd.) Well, it seemed to be a reality show wherein someone was going to get a lamborghini, but I had no idea who the people were, and not even their identifying labels helped me out. DMX, I recognized. Keyshia Cole, I did not. Then, I flipped around some more and learned that there are way too many shows about struggling women. "Starting Over" is too much. Certainly anything after that goes too far. I thought the canceling of "Tuesday Night Book Club" recognized this trend, but cable seems to offer a wealth of others. And, Lifetime. My dear, sweet Lifetime. Its next movies are about a teenage girl accused of being a witch and female road rage. I like my murder plots and my cheating, abusive spouses. All of these new themes seem just a bit "outside the box." And, whoever thought that Lifetime would be "outside the box"? However, I did learn that I like "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." There's something about 2 spoiled kids buying crack rock in a Range Rover so that they can get on welfare as a non-working vacation before he takes the MCAT and she tries acting in New York that gets me every time. I hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm going to try and leave my apartment even with these fantastic new developments. I can't even begin to imagine what else is out there...