A Brief Note to my Leasing Company

Dear DemingOne, LLC: Don't get me wrong; I truly appreciate all that you have done to improve the standard of living in my apartment building. (Especially the central air.) My large picture window gives me a lovely view of the condo building across the street, and Lord knows I love the cable. I imagine that it's not easy to take a building that was constructed sometime during the Depression and make it worthy of a four-figure rent in the new millennium. And, while I also enjoy my exposed brick and hardwood floors, I can't help but wonder if there might have been better uses for your renovation budget. Yes, it's true that flooring and better walls improve the aesthetic of a home. (Although, I will admit that I still don't understand the "hipster" quotient of providing exposed air ducts. The large silver tubes that run across my ceiling just seem a bit lazy - especially the one that still bears the price tag from the warehouse.) But, my apartment is pretty, so bygones. However, with all of the funds that you obviously had to go into the building (those washers and dryers are quite state of the art), I can't help but wonder about one tiny thing - why in the world didn't you think about an ELEVATOR? Seriously, elevators are great. Not only are there bright, big buttons that you can push, but they also offer this crazy element of convenience that people the world over tend to be incredibly grateful for. Has anyone ever asked to walk to the top of the Sears Tower? When you're showing potential renters around, do they commonly ask whether in lieu of a workout facility there might be an obstacle to their homestead? Has Grandma ever said that she needs to waste 30 more minutes before her stories are on so it would be just great to encounter a flight of stairs before going back home? I think the answer to all of these question is "no." (Unless, of course, we're talking about sadists. I can't speak for the sadists.) The other night when I came home from IKEA with my new Swedish furniture choices, I literally felt my heart beating out my chest after climbing the 4 stories to my apartment again and again. And, when I came back from Target with a new Swiffer Sweeper Vac, I again worried about a premature, full-on body collapse. And, those are the somewhat extreme examples that don't even go into the daily routine wherein my dog beats me up 2 flights of stairs because I simply don't think I can go on anymore. In short, I love elevators. I think most people do. And, if I were to bet on a way to really compete in Chicago's tough rental market, I'd scratch the "cool" decorating for a well-run metal box that goes from floor to floor. Your truly, Laurel Mills P.S. Please don't take away my cable because I dared to speak my mind. If nothing else, my silence can be bought for a song (and by "a song," I mean cable.) Just keep me posted.