A Trip to Schaumburg, Illinois

Yesterday, in an effort to furnish my rather sparse apartment, I took a trip to the mecca of cheap furniture, IKEA. For those of you who don't know, IKEA is a large, Sweden-based company that specializes in furniture you assemble yourself at bargain basement prices. And, being based in Sweden, all of the furniture has really fun foreign names. Going through my purse this morning, I realized that at some point yesterday I was interested in Flarke, Muddus, Sultan Talliden, Forby, Sultan Jovik, and Lack. (Just making that list makes me want to talk to myself in a voice like the one Rose's cousin from St. Olaf, Hans, used when he began infatuated with Blanche on an episode of the "Golden Girls.") And, if only I had mastered how to get an umlaut symbol on blogger, the list would be so much more accurate. There's even a cafeteria in IKEA, so that if you get hungry in the middle of your shopping (which you will, the store is HUGE), you can stop for a snack of meatballs or lingonberry mousse - again, at bargain prices. $2.88 for a full crepe breakfast? Who could say no to that? For the deal, if not for the actual taste of the food... Personally, I have to hold myself back when I get near the vasen because it's hard for me to turn down anything that costs $1.98, even when that means I end up with a cartful of oddly shaped vases that I will never use. (The last time I got flowers and might actually need a vase? I'd rather not dwell on it.) Most of the time, I love IKEA. I really do. Now, I had a momentary upset when I realized that the large chair I wanted seemed to add up to a lot more in actuality than it seemed like it would on the website. Chair frame - $40. Chair cover - $29. I'm still ok at this point. It's when I realized that they wanted you to put a $120 mattress on a $40 chair frame that I felt like I was being duped. Who in the world would pay 3 times the amount of the chair frame for the padding that goes on said frame? And, who would spend that much at IKEA of all places? Not this savvy shopper. I found the cheap mattress that was rolled and packed without air so that it could travel easily and all was well. (Seriously, I doubted those air vac systems for storage until I unrolled my mattress. Who knew what a difference air could make? I mean, other than the air we need to live and breathe and all.) I got out of there with a big chair that can also be a spare twin bed for far less than the nearly $200 floor model. Leaving the store, I felt good. But, at home, I remembered the rub that IKEA can be. After getting everything in the car, and out of the car, and up four flights of stairs, I discovered a small problem. One of the stools I had bought had no hardware with it. No screws. No bolts. No nothing. I have no way to construct this stool. Now, of course, I can call IKEA and have them ship me the parts, but that will take time. And, there is nothing practical about driving two hours round trip for the screws that go to a $4.99 stool. I know the gas would cost more than the stool, but it still doesn't stop me from being angry about the unusable plastic circle and steel legs I now own. And, it made me think back on the chest of drawers I have from IKEA where the top two drawers don't have backs because they were missing from the box. Ugh. I guess you get what you pay for. As a side note, whenever I pass the food section at IKEA, I think about the full-on Swedish gift shop inside the store. And, then I wonder if anyone has ever lied about going to Europe only to bring their co-workers foodstuffs from IKEA after being out of the office for a week. "Chocolate for you, Melinda, my favorite HR rep. You just wouldn't believe how clean it is in Sweden. And, the lingonberries! To die for."