A Day in the Life

Since we all know that no one starts out on the top (and that beggars can't exactly be choosers), I recently wrote a piece for "Midwestern* Lady" magazine. And, not only was I writing for a magazine with "Lady" in the title, but I was assigned a piece about cheese straws. (For those of you who aren't Southern, a cheese straw is like a spicy cheese cracker, but its shape is more tubular.) For some of you who are already thinking this, when I told a co-worker that I was going to freelance for "Midwestern Lady," she kind of cocked her head to the side and asked, "Have they met you?" When I answered no, she said that I "should probably keep it that way." Anyway, I got a contract and some info in the mail from "Midwestern Lady" prior to beginning the article. "Midwestern Lady" informed me that they did not have any of the contact info to interview the owners of the cheese straw company, but I could probably call the magazine "Midwestern Woman" which had recently featured an article on them, and ask for those details. The 500 word article from "Midwestern Woman" was photocopied and included in the mailing to help me with my 500 word article for "Midwestern Lady." So, not only was I writing for "Midwestern Lady" magazine, but "Midwestern Lady" was the poor man's version of "Midwestern Woman" and proved it by ripping off story ideas from them. That was a low moment - a moment in which I was so glad that I spent so much time in school earning bachelor's and master's degrees. But, rather than calling "Midwestern Woman" magazine, oh-so-resourceful-me used a crazy thing called the world wide web, and found a phone number for the cheese straw makers. What follows is a pretty accurate excerpt from the most awkward interview ever: Me: So, what is your favorite part about running the company? Cheese Straw Lady (CSL from here on out): Well, I guess that's doing something different every day. You know, I'm not always in the office. Sometimes I'm on sales calls. Sometimes I'm at food shows. Me: I guess you could say you like being your own boss? (Polite chuckle on my part to build a friendly rapport) CSL: Well, I don't really know about that. I've never actually had a boss because I started this business right after I graduated college, so I can't really say I know what it's like to have a boss versus being the boss...I don't think I can comment on that. My internal monologue: Thank you for your humorless response to what was supposed to be more a rhetorical question/summation of your answer. Me (Aloud this time and trying to move on quickly): And, what's the hardest part about running your own business? (I ask this in the hopes that there will be something to inspire all of the other women out there thinking about starting their own companies or taking a new idea and running with it.) CSL: Oh, that's definitely the Health Department. They have so many rules when you're starting a food business. I can't tell you how many times they came out to the bakery before we got off the ground. There were just so many regulations... My internal monologue again: And, if those aren't the insightful words of a savvy businesswoman, I don't know what are. Even though I didn't get a whole lot from my interview that I couldn't have learned from the company's website, I turned my article in. A few weeks after my deadline, I got a call from the editors of "Midwestern Lady" telling me that my piece might need a few more edits because it was a little bit "edgy" for their publication. I, for one, had no idea it was possible to be "edgy" when writing about cheese straws, but I guess I was wrong. I turns out that I had to remove the term "Bloody Mary" from the article because alcohol mentions are "frowned upon." Even though the editors agreed that it was "certainly true" that cheese straws were usually served with the old Bloody, they didn't want to "push the boundaries." But, I think what really got them is the last paragraph I used to try and spice things up a bit. Here's the original draft: "Of course, any true cheese straw fan has one burning question for the ladies of the bakery, "I could tell you, but I would have to kill you," Kelley jokes, referring to how they make those familiar squiggles on the cheese straws. "We would really hate for that secret to get out," she says." "Yeah," the editor said, "I know that it's a joke and all...and it's a great joke (don't worry - I know this is not true)...but I just don't think we should mention murder here. It might scare some people." Ah, yes, because I was obviously implying that the women of a small commercial bakery were willing to hunt you down like dogs in the street should anyone figure out the "big secret" of how to put a squiggle pattern on a cheese straw. I naively turned the tone of the piece from readers imagining a sweet, rotund woman baking at home to a hardened Mafia wife who chain smokes and spits on the street while glaring at small children. For shame. I guess I really should have known better. [* Names and other identifying characteristics have been changed to protect professional relationships. After all, when it's dignity or rent money - I have to go with rent money.]