Reason to Worry?

A few days before Christmas I gave my dog, Cassidy, a new toy. (Please excuse the blur, I'm still figuring this digital camera thing out.) Despite my sister's insistence that it looks nothing like a lion, it is indeed a stuffed lion that has squeakers in each of its paws and some sort of grunting mechanism in its stomach. Normally, Cassidy loves to tear toys with squeakers in them apart. She likes to find the source of the "mysterious" noise and dig, bite, and chew until she has silenced the squeaker forever. But, Lion (as all of my dog's toys eventually end up with completely obvious and redundant names) has met no such fate. Lion is still perfectly intact after nearly 3 weeks. I couldn't believe it. I thought that this might be a sign that Cassidy was finally moving out of the more destructive puppy phase and into her adolescence. Honestly, I was thrilled. My shoes would be safe, the corners of my furniture could go uncovered in bitter apple repellant spray, house plants would thrive! Then, this morning, I discovered what I believe to be the real secret to Lion's survival. Cassidy doesn't bite or chew on Lion. Rather, she licks him. She likes to lick his face, and this very morning, she was doing it with her eyes closed. I don't mean to be too graphic here, but I think she was enjoying licking Lion a little too much. With her little dog eyes closed, the licks seemed to slow down, becoming more and more "sensual" if you will. So, I am now forced to think that Cassidy is carrying on an illicit relationship with her stuffed toy. (I think something like this happened on Anna Nicole Smith's show, and, needless to say, I like there to be as few similarities between me and ANS as possible.) This has also led me to a rather strange neurosis where I now imagine my dog having an inner monologue similar to Stewie from "Family Guy." I wonder about what happens when I leave Cassidy and Lion alone to go to work. In my head, it works out something like this (you'll just have to go with me on the Stewie voice thing): Cassidy: Oh, Oh, are you being coy over there? Is that what you're doing? Hmm? Being a little hard to get? Trying to make me work for it? Lion: (continues to lay on floor) Cassidy: Yes, yes, I see. You're ignoring me. That's just fine. You know you'll be back for more. You can't resist this (makes little fanny shaking motion.) Lion: (still on floor) Cassidy: It's that cat across the hall, isn't it? You think you've found something better? Well, I never really loved you anyway. I was just using you. Yes, using you. And I'm done now. (walks over to dog bed and collapses) You'll see that Fluffy is just using you too. Yes, you'll see. This cannot be normal and/or healthy. And, for those of you that think I project my feelings onto my dog. I don't even want to know what you're thinking right now.