Thursday

1. I might actually have a better sense of personal and public space than other people. It seems that my new neighbor is a "hall decorator." Not only does she have the extra large welcome mat, but she has also put a plant stand by the stairs and a cherub near the mailboxes. Obviously, it was the cherub that put me over the edge. 2. As much as I dislike Tyra Banks, I like Janice Dickinson even less. Really Janice, do you think you have the right to tell anyone to shut up? And Tyra of all people? Sure, she hurt the world when she let you back on television as a judge of "America's Next Top Model," but she gave you the chance for, what I believe to be a literal, rise from the dead. (There is no way that woman keeps kicking without a daily intake of human flesh.) The only emanations from your overly mechanized and synthetic lips involve strange gutteral utterances, cracks at Omarosa and other people who are prettier and/or bitchier than you, and sentences completing lacking syntax or grammatical structure wherein you try to make a case for yourself as a normal mom. Janice, if you were my mom, I would fake turret's just to release some of my pent-up rage at the cruel hand of fate. 3. Hope really does spring eternal. Lisa Marie Presley has officially wed for the 4th time. You would think that with exes like Michael Jackson and Nicolas Cage that the girl would more than have given up on love. But no, she takes a licking and keeps on ticking. She might have intimate and carnal knowledge of the man who probably isn't still a man and someone willing to name his child after a fictitious super hero, but she keeps at it. You know, come to think of it, she probably deserves that shot at happiness more than anyone, but I might still be keeping the lesbian door open if I was her.